Why is the water blue?

 After running boats for a while, you find a pattern in the questions that people ask. There is a common thread of curiosity that leads to the same questions being asked by people who come out on boats for the first time.

As a public service, I have compiled a list of the most commonly asked questions. In doing this, I hope to accomplish two things: first, to definitively answer some of the more frequently asked questions for those new to boats, diving, the oceans and waterways. Secondly, to provide some peace and quite for hundreds of captains, who after an exhaustive study of the surrounding night life, only want to stick their foot in the spokes of the wheel and get some sleep until they reach the dive site.

Q: How do I get such a cushy job?

A: Really screw up the one you have now. Give up everything you own. Move to a tropical climate. Be prepared to answer this question seriously while keeping a straight face.

Q: Do fish get seasick?

A: Yes, they really do. They can actually die from it. You, on the other hand, will only be able to wish you could get your hands on a gun.

Q: Is the water warm?

A: You just flew in from Bismarck, North Dakota. The air temperature there is -700 degrees Fahrenheit. If you stay here two weeks, you might be thawed out enough for it to make a difference.

Q: Why is the ocean salty?

A: If it wasn't, we'd have to call it Lake Atlantic.

Q: I just saw a fish. It was this long, and had dots. And I think stripes. Can you tell me what it was?

A: a) Blue parrot fish

   b) Stoplight parrot fish

   c) Yellowtail

   d) Nile catfish

Q: What are all those brightly colored rocks?

A: Coral. The rocks are under it.

Q: Can you get me back in time to catch my plane?

A: Yes, we have an agreement with the airlines. We get you back to the dock, they promise US they won't leave without you.

Q: Do you take American money?

A: Try and stop us.

Q: Are there any sharks out here?

A: Yes, but you have nothing to worry about. They're full. They ate the morning trip. (If you ARE the morning trip, you have nothing to worry about until you hear the music speed up.)

Q: Are we there yet?

A: Yes, but we're driving around in circles so you'll think we're really far offshore.

Q: How long have you been doing this?

A: Since early this morning.

Q: Do you live here?

A: No, the whole crew flies in from Twinsberg, Ohio every morning.

Q: Why are all the fish under the boat?

A: Guess.

Q: Do you carry extra weight on board?

A: Yes, but you can't have it. She owns the boat.

Q: Why is the water blue?

A: Very simplistically, because of the depth of the water. The deeper the water, the bluer it looks. If you are in Royal blue or purple water, you're probably in over your head.